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Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts


The Mad Egg Scramble

 The Mad Egg Scramble.

The day started normally enough. It was Easter, the annual event where some humans seem to celebrate a zombie rising. They are odd creatures. Anyway, me and my friend Firefly were at a coffeeshop ordering some cookies when all of a sudden where was a "Pssst" sound and a voice out of the shadows:

Grady: Hello there, it's me, your old pal Grady from... The Office

Starbright Wingtips: mmmm, munchies

Grady: I know it has been a while, but we can see that you are done eating... the hashbrowns looked great

Grady: Look, we don't have much time, so I wont bother you with explanations, but we have another unique situation.

Starbright Wingtips grabs a handful of baked goods

Grady: I am sending the coords to our client now. Get there as fast as you can.

Grady: Downloading Coords...

The voice sounded serious, I looked about but I was unable to locate the source of the voice, so I turned to Firefly (who was looking blissed out on a sugar high) and said;

Starbright Wingtips: I can't tell if this is a drugs run, again, or some proper top secret stuff

Starbright Wingtips: oh well, lets go find out

Firefly nodded enthusiastically and we headed outside to the car park, stepping over a beggar on the way, she asked me for one hundred Lindens with the promise that she would pay me back tomorrow, I just laughed and kept going. I am cruel but fair. Looking over the lot I noticed a Taco truck and suddenly got hit by a case of the munchies:

Starbright Wingtips: ohhh, taco's

Starbright Wingtips: we can grab some before we set off

Starbright Wingtips pushes past the NPC's

Starbright Wingtips: yes yes I know, "ice cream so good" now get outa my way before I inflict violence

Starbright Wingtips: ahh garcon, a dozen of your finest taco's please

Starbright Wingtips: good, right, lets get out of here

Starbright Wingtips: pay? hahah

Starbright Wingtips: right, what car shall we steal today?

I chose an old Japanese sports car, mainly because it was one I knew how to hotwire. We pulled out of the car park and immediately got hit by some very weird shit. It was like reality turned itself inside out. I was really beginning to regret that taco.

Starbright Wingtips: I can see this must be an important mission, that was definitely a penguin ambush

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): oops

I knew that this stretch of road had a reputation for being a bit of a race track so I put my foot down without too much worry about the trees, lamposts, houses or people:

Starbright Wingtips: 96 mph, lol

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

Starbright Wingtips: I'm sure those things we hit will be fine

Starbright Wingtips: a lick of paint will fix it up

 Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): whooo hoooo

As we approached a patch of open country a strange voice issued from the car radio suggesting that we stop the car and jump down a rabbit hole. Well, we'd both had quite a lot to smoke and consumed a mountain of edibles, so we gave no thought to the source of the voice and thought that this seemed like quite a reasonable suggestion:

We both jumped and fell down what appeared to be some sort of wormhole in the space/time continuum. It's a common feature of rabbit holes, but one which the rabbit community usually keeps top secret, so I knew this was important and possible involved Penguins! We landed in a clearing in some woods and looking around I saw a rabbit and some scattered eggs. I knew then that my suspicions were on the right track. Penguins are birds and birds lay eggs!

At this point the rabbit turned round and suggested that we walk through a door that was conveniently placed nearby in the trunk of a large tree. I was keen to find out more about the eggs so I thanked the rabbit and we both walked into the tree. There was a feeling as if we'd passed through some kind of barrier and next thing we knew, we were standing in a large room where everything was large. Thing just kept getting weirder:

Starbright Wingtips: here <holds out her hand> have some more red pills

Starbright Wingtips: I think we're going to need to be very stoned to deal with this

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

Starbright Wingtips gulps a handful

As we looked around the room I noticed a door on the other side of the very large side table. On the table was a pitcher full of liquid and a glass. A disembodied voice, which may very well have been a figment of my imagination, suggested strongly that we both have a drink before going through the door:

Strange Voice (possibly in my head): Approach the door, A drink perhaps? What might it do? Likely nothing

Starbright Wingtips: how are we supposed to have a snack and a drink, we can't reach

Starbright Wingtips: here, you jump on my shoulders and try to grab the bottle

* A Few Moments Later ... *

Starbright Wingtips: ahhh, that's better. I dunno what that was, but it hits the spot

Starbright Wingtips: now lets just wait for the pink elephants to finish dancing and we'll go through the door after them. The cavern on the other side of that door had an atmosphere of power, and a strange smell of old straw and rabbit poo:

Strange Voice (possibly in my head) Approach... The Bunny

Starbright Wingtips: what's up doc?

The Bunny: Welcome Starbright . I have been expecting you

The Bunny: To get right to business, a contracted a leprechaun on March 18th

The Bunny: He was to help get a very special set of eggs to an associate

Starbright Wingtips: hmmmm

The Bunny: But, the little pranking bastard has spread them all over creation

Starbright Wingtips: go on

The Bunny: Last I heard from him was an angry drunken voice message challenging me to fight

Starbright Wingtips: so, you want me to hunt him down and kill him?

The Bunny: Nooooooo!! You... you will help me retrieve these eggs

Starbright Wingtips looks a bit disappointed.

The Bunny: My bunny magic will guide you... like... well like magic!

The Bunny: Now, off with you to do my bidding!

The Bunny waves its paw like a Jedi...

Starbright Wingtips:  ok bugs babe

The cavern and odd giant rabbit begin to fade out and before we know it we are standing by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. I tell Firefly to stay by the road while I go hunting for some transport. A few minutes later I return to Firefly so we can continue our journey:

Starbright Wingtips: ok, it's not ideal but it's all i could steal

Starbright Wingtips: lets go

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

Starbright Wingtips: so, its a tuk tuk with a turbo engine

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yay

Starbright Wingtips: this should be ..... interesting

Starbright Wingtips: pray to whatever gods you worship

Starbright Wingtips: of course, this is a race track

Starbright Wingtips: so ....

Starbright Wingtips: just keep repeating "we're not going to die"

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): weeeeee

Starbright Wingtips: this is all very odd

Starbright Wingtips: is this reality or are we still down the hole?

Starbright Wingtips: we might be stuck in the Matrix

Starbright Wingtips: you know, sometimes I get the feeling that I'm just a little cartoon avatar being controlled by a being I can't properly comprehend, it's a mad thought, eh?

 Starbright Wingtips giggles

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

Starbright Wingtips: although I suppose everyone feels like that to some extent

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

Starbright Wingtips: everyone round here anyway

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): that Musk guy thinks we live in the Matrix

Starbright Wingtips leans forward to lights another spliff in the cover of the windshield

Starbright Wingtips: Mr Musk strikes me as an NPC, so he's probably right

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

Starbright Wingtips: ice cream so good

Starbright Wingtips: heheheh

Starbright Wingtips: ((that line is a tiktok NPC meme btw))

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): (( oh ))

Starbright Wingtips: ((the girl who came up with the NPC concept used that as one of her lines. she would do or say certain things depending how much you donated, like a video game NPC responding to options. at her height she was apparently making 7000 USD per day, just for doing that))

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): ((wow))

Starbright Wingtips: ((all non nude and non sexual too))

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): ((nice))

Starbright Wingtips: ((well fair play to her, doing that would have driven me insane by day 3))

Starbright Wingtips: ((well, more insane I mean))

We'd been travelling downhill since we left the rabbit hole and were now approaching a nice area of upscale housing with its own docking area. I had a feeling we were going to need a boat next, so I parked up and we walked towards the dock. There was a lovely looking motorboat moored, so I decided we needed to liberate it for the cause:

Starbright Wingtips: ok, now keep your eyes peelded, there's something very odd going on here. we're been drugged, sent to alternative worlds, or had some great hallucinations. we're looking for eggs laid by a rabbit, we've been sent all over the place and have no clue whate going on

Starbright Wingtips: sounds like a monday

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

We set off heading mostly south and west:

Starbright Wingtips: we're on the water so keep an eye out for penguins

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): ok

The journey was uneventful, but that seemed more ominous than calming:

Starbright Wingtips: its quiet, too quiet

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

Starbright Wingtips turns the radio on 

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yay

I saw Angels airport and marina ahead and for no apparent reason I decided to dock there. Something was calling me, I could feel it. As I was finishing docking all of a sudden a loud voice seemed to boom out, it might have been some weird spirit thing, or it might have been the PA system, it was hard to tell:

Disembodied Bunny Voice: The waters to your North, I can feel it, i know they are there

Disembodied Bunny Voice: Get down there and find them, minion!. This is no time to dally!

Starbright Wingtips: There's a large mysterious sunken city in those waters, I think if we are going to look there we will need a submarine 

 Starbright Wingtips: i have a slightly radioactive used one

Starbright Wingtips: that'll do

 Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

Starbright Wingtips:  Let's go find some eggs in a submarine!

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yay

Of course, the problem with getting people extremely stoned and then giving them complex tasks to carry out soon reared its head:

Starbright Wingtips: i can't figire out how to grab them

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): drive up to them

Starbright Wingtips: ohhh, doh!

We patrolled around for a while and passed some very interesting artifacts under the water and I saw a sign that my people might have been here in ancient times. Sadly we had no time to explore, we had a mission to complete:

After a slow start we made some progress in our collection of these eggs. After last week's explosive experience, I was taking no chances and placed each egg in a towed wire cage. Once we got back to the docks we counted our haul:

  -------------- Round 1 Egg Counts --------------

Super Rare Eggs Found: 0

Rare Eggs Found: 1

Common Eggs Found: 4

Round 1 Eggs Collected: 5

Round 1 Egg Points Earned: 6

Starbright Wingtips: we found some at least

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

I was just making this last comment when that voice boomed out again. I still couldn't decide if it was magic or the PA system. 

Disembodied Bunny Voice: Yes... YES! Be very careful with those

Disembodied Bunny Voice: More valuable than a mortal's life they are!

Disembodied Bunny Voice: The little drunk must have dropped these on the trip to the New World

Starbright Wingtips: I know, you just can't find the staff these days

Disembodied Bunny Voice: He has taken the rest to lands freshly sprung from the oceans

Disembodied Bunny Voice: And this is where you shall go... now!

As soon as that last thing had been said there was a big cloud of smoke and what sounded like some cheap firecrackers going off and we suddenly found ourselves in a completely different place.

Starbright Wingtips: well that was fun but I wish we'd had a yellow submarine; we could have sung as we worked then.

[16:45] Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

[16:45] Starbright Wingtips: plus we might have met an octopus in a garden

[16:47] Starbright Wingtips: so. now we're somewhere rural, so we have to watch out for penguins, rabbits AND rednecks

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

Starbright Wingtips: I'm not too worried about the rednecks and I know what I'm dealing with when it comes to penguins, but that rabbit has me worried.

We walked through the unlikely looking farmland looking for a vehicle to, err, borrow:

Starbright Wingtips: got to say, i have seen flatter hay fields.

Eventually we saw a large house in the distance and as we got closer I could see beach jeep parked down the side.

 Starbright Wingtips: I don't think some rich trust fund kiddo is going to miss this jeep for a few hours

Starbright Wingtips: we should be done with it by then

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): ok

We climbed aboard and set off down the road in search of our next adventure.

Starbright Wingtips: going to see old blind Pete eh?

Starbright Wingtips: he used to be my driver

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

Starbright Wingtips: opps, few scratches in the paint as we sideswiped that tree. I swear it dodged into our path.

Lusch Motors - Scout Surfer GTFO 1.9: No fuel.

Starbright Wingtips: wtf, really?

Starbright Wingtips: lol

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

Starbright Wingtips: I learned all I know about driving from blind Pete.

Starbright Wingtips: including how to check the fuel gauge before I set off

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

We abandoned the jeep and set out on foot along the road. Luckily we didn't have to go far before I spotted another big expensive house with an almost identical jeep parked outside

Starbright Wingtips: They're all nepo babies here and all seem to own very similar jeeps. that's very handy

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

We set off again, heading for somewhere unspecified location, the road system here was very windy and so to save some time I even cut cross country. It was totally deliberate, honest.

Starbright Wingtips: telegraph poles now too, they all hate me

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

Eventually we reached an area where there seemed to be a strange atmosphere. I slowed to a stop and the radio began to issue instructions to us, cutting in halfway though a Spice Girls song. We were instructed to drive around recklessly and hit things with the jeep. Well, Pixies are know for their obedience to commands so I felt I had no choice. I put the jeep in 4WD and floored the accelerator, We lept off the road and careened away leaving deep ruts in the grass as we mowed down flower beds, post boxes, residents and the occasional mad egg that bounced into our path. It was a wild trip and I still felt high AF from all the drugs earlier. Eventually I ran out of targets and slowed to a stop. 

 -------------- Round 2 Egg Counts --------------

Super Rare Eggs Found: 2

Rare Eggs Found: 3

Common Eggs Found: 8

Residents: 34

Round 2 Eggs Collected: 13

Round 2 Egg Points Earned: 20

As we celebrated our results we suddenly heard that rabbit again. It was coming out of the car radio this time. I have no idea how they are able to do that.

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yay

Starbright Wingtips: yay

Disembodied Bunny Voice: Wonderful!... just wonderful!

Disembodied Bunny Voice: I fear I am in danger of being impressed!

Disembodied Bunny Voice: But, you have one more place to go

Starbright Wingtips: oh oh

Disembodied Bunny Voice: I can not move you there, it is too far... but I can get you to the train station...

At that point it seemed that someone had thrown a flashbang grenade at our feet. We were momentarily stunned and when our senses cleared, we were in a totally new place.

Starbright Wingtips: i'm confused. how did we get here? where's the jeep? wtf?

 Starbright Wingtips: oh well, nice old train here, lets borrow it

We managed to get the steam train going, it already had a full firebox and was all steamed up, it was almost as if it had been set up for us specially. It was highly suspicious. Anyway we got on board and as we steamed along we discused what had been happening.

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): aliens?

Starbright Wingtips: maybe

Starbright Wingtips: or old magic

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

Starbright Wingtips: this is nice scenery

Starbright Wingtips: but it reminds me of .... rabbit country

Starbright Wingtips: so be careful. if you hear "what's up doc?" shoot first, ask questions later

Starbright Wingtips: questions like: "so I guess we're having rabbit for dinner then?"

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

Starbright Wingtips: apparently rabbits have concrete lined tunnels 100 meters underground

Starbright Wingtips: oh, hang on. I think I'm getting them confused with other burrowing pests

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

Starbright Wingtips: I hope we don't have to go to Cannabis Airfield. They have kamikaze rabbits there

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

Starbright Wingtips: they tend to explode

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): that would make a mess

Starbright Wingtips: it does yes, at least you don;t have to de-gut them before you make rabbit stew though, so that's handy

Starbright Wingtips giggles

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): and pre cooked

Starbright Wingtips: yes, also precooked with the fur burned off

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

Starbright Wingtips: I'll suggest to Outy that he should rename his rabbits as ready meals

Starbright Wingtips: lol

Starbright Wingtips: the only problem with long journeys through belli is that i start to experience some serious dejavu

Starbright Wingtips: maybe its just a glitch in the matrix

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

Starbright Wingtips: I mean, it couldn't be that things repeat every 500 meters, could it? that'd just be silly

Eventually we reached the end of the line and left the train standing on the tracks hissing and dripping and sounding like it might well explode at any minute. We hurried through the station building and got out into the car park where we just saw one lone car that looked as if it had been sat there for some time. It was an old 90's model so hotwiring it took about 5 seconds:

Starbright Wingtips: oh look, an old abandoned rally car. this'll do us

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yay

It was a race engine and so we set off at very high speed.

Starbright Wingtips: ooops

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): oops

Starbright Wingtips: damn, there goes my no claims bonus

Starbright Wingtips: oh hang on, I don't have any insurance. phew. that's ok then

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yay

Starbright Wingtips: blind Pete was an amazing instructor

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

Starbright Wingtips: I bet you've never felt safer in a car, right?

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

Starbright Wingtips: at the start of each lesson Pete would put his hand on my leg and say "Luke old boy, you've just got to close your eyes and trust in the force" and I used to say "I'm not Luke and that's not my leg"

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): lol

We soon came to an area where I felt that same strange atmosphere. At that moment the car stalled and I saw a large egg wrapped in pink cellophane bounce across the road. We looked at each other, giggled dove out the doors in pursuit of these mad eggs. After a few minutes of running around like loons it appeared that the remaining eggs had all escaped.

-------------- Round 3 Egg Counts --------------

Super Rare Eggs Found: 2

Rare Eggs Found: 3

Common Eggs Found: 8

Round 3 Eggs Collected: 13

Round 3 Egg Points Earned: 20

Starbright Wingtips: yay

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yay

As we stood there celebrating that rabbit voice started up again, this time I am sure it was coming out of a hole in the trunk of a nearby tree. 

Disembodied Bunny Voice: You have done it!

Disembodied Bunny Voice: Now, come back... come back to me quickly!

There was another flash/bang (whih were beginning to give me a real headache, or maybe it was coming down off all those drugs) and suddenly the lanscape changed again: 

Starbright Wingtips: oh crikey, we're back here again

Starbright Wingtips: this landscape seems .... familiar

As we stood at the side of the road in the middle of nowhere I wondered what we could do next. Fortunately a taxi was passing just at that moment, so we carjacked it;

As we drove down these familiar looking roads at high speed another disembodied voice came floating into my ears;

*uC* Evil Doll: Starbright Wingtips... I've seen your past, and I'll shape your future.

Starbright Wingtips: ha

Starbright Wingtips: I don't think so

By this point in the day I was begging to think LSD shouldn't be taken at breakfast time. We managed to get back to the dodgy rabbit hole without further incident and hopped over to it and into it, doing the whole rabbit pose and twitchy nose thing.

Starbright Wingtips: lets go see peter rabbit again

Firefly Twilight (dancingfireflys): yes

We walked back through the series of caverns and being a bit peckish I did snack on one or two of the mushroooms growing there, again. We walked through the final door and approached rabbit.

The Bunny: Welcome back Starbright . You have done.... well!

The Bunny: I will not keep you

The Bunny: Instead... I shall reward you!

The Bunny waves its paw like a Jedi again...

============= 2024 Egg Hunt Totals =============

Round 1 Eggs Collected: 5

Round 1 Egg Points Earned: 6

Round 2 Eggs Collected: 13

Round 2 Egg Points Earned: 20

Round 3 Eggs Collected: 13

Round 3 Egg Points Earned: 20

TOTAL GAME EGGS COLLECTED: 31 out of 104 total eggs


WE then found ourselves in a car dealership, holding the keys to one of the machines in our hands:

Vik Svoboda: Take a look around. You will find awesome prices from a very friendly, helpful, and talented creator!

Stormcrow V2 Grid Drive Completion Reward Giver: Giving gift to [Starbright Wingtips]

Second Life: Stormcrow V2 Grid Drive Completion Reward Giver owned by .Nᴇɪʟʟ (sime.stormcrow) gave you '[Stormcrow Store] BZ WZ / Black'  ( Noble Town (119,57,21) ).

Starbright Wingtips: yay

Christi Charron: A special 'Thank You' to this weekend's Grid Drive sponsor, Stormcrow, and it's owner .Nᴇɪʟʟ (sime.stormcrow)!


Kidnapped by a Cat Lady!

Kidnapped by the Cat Lady!

Hello, I thought you all might be interested in my recent adventure where I was kidnapped by a mad woman who slipped something in my coffee and attempted to traffick me, I think. It's all still a bit confusing. 

Well the day started normally enough, I got a call from Fam who wanted me to deliver their drugs, again. So I stopped by to pick up the coke to take to the staff at Jeogeot Gulf Airport. Those pilots have a serious habit!

The journey to the airport was fairly uneventful and although I passed a lot of interesting places I didn't have time to stop and explore any of them, which was a shame. The Roamer felt like it was running with one flat tire though, it wasn't a smooth ride at all. So I decided that once I got to the airport, I would steal something better. I arrived without incident and gave the package to Karen at the desk, of course she was her normal charming self. 

It was as I was hot-wiring a Jeep in the car park that my day went really batshit crazy. This weird old lady climbed into the passenger seat. She had a large handgun poking out of her handbag, so I didn't want to be rude. She asked for a ride to the Route 9 bus stop and she seemed to be mostly harmless, apart from a strange cat pee smell. I figured I was in an open top vehicle so i could probably cope and so we set off.

Her directions were appalling, I was beginning to doubt that she knew where she wanted to go at all, we wove across Jeogeot, even going offroad at one point, lucky I stole a Jeep really.

Eventually we made it to the bus stop, having collected a dozen speeding tickets and accidentally clipping the odd pedestrian who was standing too close to the road. I got out of the Jeep to escort the mad old lady (who was rabbiting on as if she knew me) to the bus to make sure she got on it, so I could escape when all of a sudden I felt dizzy and I might even have passed out for a moment.

Next thing I know I'm being shaken awake by someone who keeps insisting that they are my Great Aunt Yoko.

Great Aunt Yoko: Ah finally, can you smell this fresh air?

Starbright Wingtips: All I can smell is cat pee and, I think, chloroform. 

Great Aunt Yoko: Well I certainly can, the person in the seat in front of me permanently farted!

Great Aunt Yoko: Anyways, let's go!

So with that she takes me by the arm, drags me to my feet with more strength that I'd have expected from a little old woman, puts her arm through mine and starts to walk me towards what looks like a Japanese temple.

Starbright Wingtips: What's going on, where am I?

Great Aunt Yoko: We're at Little Yoshiwara in the Bakumatsu Period Japan Cultural Area. Milarepa. It's one of my favourite spots. 

Great Aunt Yoko: There are so many shrines here!

Great Aunt Yoko: But don't worry, I won't walk you to all of them!

Great Aunt Yoko: Just to most :D

Great Aunt Yoko: How nostalgic, this brings back memories

Starbright Wingtips: Yeah, I think some of my memory is starting to come back too.

Great Aunt Yoko: Rattle the bell and make a silent prayer

Starbright Wingtips prays for rescue.

Great Aunt Yoko: Let's take a short break, I am getting a little hungry

Great Aunt Yoko: Why don't we grab a bite while we enjoy the surroundings a while

Starbright Wingtips: You used "while" twice in the same sentence, are you drunk?

Starbright Wingtips dodges a blow from the old woman while she sits at the street vendors cart

*A few minutes later ....*

[10:38] Great Aunt Yoko: Okay I think I'm good again, let us move on!

We moved off again along a path which leads under the trees which surround this little town, as we move along it I can see yet another shrine ahead of me.

Great Aunt Yoko: Wow, this big fella looks like uncle bob!

Buddha whispers:  San nin yoreba, Monju no chie.

Where three persons come together, there is the wisdom of Monju.

Starbright Wingtips backs away warily while keeping an eye on the statue and the old woman 

Starbright Wingtips: Very deep I'm sure, but could we please get out of here?

* The two travellers turn away from the shrine and begin to walk up a path taking them upwards *

Great Aunt Yoko: So many shrines, so little time

Great Aunt Yoko: Let us head to the last spot in this pretty location and move on

From the viewpoint we moved into a wild hill meadow by some cliffs, there was a mist in the air and bones on the ground.

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh my, this place used to look much friendlier back in my young days!

Great Aunt Yoko: But then again, I guess so did I too!

Great Aunt Yoko: I have seen and witnessed a lot in my life but this...

Great Aunt Yoko: This place gives me some chills.. Let's hurry on

I suddenly feel dizzy as the world fades away around me and next thing I know I'm being shaken awake by cat lady again;

Great Aunt Yoko: Oww... What happened? Where are we?

Great Aunt Yoko: This place looks surreal!

As if in a daze we stumble along the path between Shrines and Temples as we look around and take the strange unreal scenery.

Great Aunt Yoko: Wow..

Is the only comment either of us can make as I wonder if I had mushroom omelette with the wrong mushrooms last night. Eventually we reach the other end of the walkway where there is a small shrine in front of a large and slightly ominous black tower. I step up to the shrine and silently wish for save travels back home. I suddenly feel faint, again, and everything goes black.

I open my eyes and find myself in an entirely new location, again! At least I seem to be back from the surreal world Unfortunately so is the cat lady aka my "great aunt", who is throwing up soundly on the side of the road

Great Aunt Yoko: Urg.. I'm getting too old for this...

Great Aunt Yoko: But at least I think I know where we are, this is the Hamamura Islands, specifically the Serenity Forest.

 You notice a large black tower behind you, close to the one you approached earlier.. spooky

Great Aunt Yoko: Yea I certainly remember this place!

Great Aunt Yoko: Come on, let me show you around a little!

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh my, I better not say what this right kitty is shaped like..

Great Aunt Yoko: That's some strange ramen on the left

We continued walking amongst the temples and market stalls with cat lady chattering away when suddenly I saw it.

A bloody Penguin! Everywhere I go I see these damn things, it's almost like they're spying on me. I treated this whole experience a bit more seriously as soon as I knew penguins were involved! Luckily at that moment an opportunity came up for me to fill the cat lady in on the threat we were facing.

Great Aunt Yoko: This spot looks relaxing, let's take a moment to take the surroundings in

As I explained the penguin situation I could see her eyes get wide as she slowly inched her chair back away from mine. Sadly before I managed to finish my warnings, she drained her Saki, stood up and announced it was time to climb to the top of a mountain for no apparent reason.

Great Aunt Yoko: Alright, time to move on!

Starbright Wingtips; but but .... the penguins!

Great Aunt Yoko: No time for that, come on and hurry. <struggles up a long flight of steps> Let's pray they install a lift before until our next visit..

Great Aunt Yoko: What a magnificent view from here!

Great Aunt Yoko: Your great uncle and me had a large garden like this as well!

Great Aunt Yoko: Well we had just vegetables in it I have to admit

Great Aunt Yoko: And it was only half the size..

Great Aunt Yoko: Also my cat kept getting lost in it, so we had to burn it down in the end

Starbright Wingtips gives the cat lady some side-eye while saying "ok..." and moving away from the edge. She ignores me and walks around a bend in the part, I follow her to find her standing at a tunnel entrance.

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh we gotta go explore this more, even if we get cursed!

We hurried through the caves descending from the entrance only stopping at a gap in the rocks that we though led back out

Great Aunt Yoko: What a bummer, it's just a lookout!

Eventually we came out at the foot of the mountain and although the cave exit was a bit grim, the path led back into the forest and the view soon brightened up.

[11:13] Great Aunt Yoko: And are those graves? Looks like a graveyard..

[11:14] Great Aunt Yoko: Tsk, let's get back, I'm so old I'll get that view soon enough!

So we walked on through the forest and eventually came to the shore where we found a boat tied up at a pier. The boat crew apparently didn't speak any English, so we used the time-tested method of just shouting at them slowly in English until they seemed to understand that we wanted to be taken home. They set off and I settled back into the cushions and drifted off to sleep. I only woke up when the cat lady shook me and told me I had arrived. I climbed off the boat to find myself in another Japanese looking landscape.

Great Aunt Yoko: What nice people, I almost feel bad that I threw up over the side of the boat so much.

This town did have one advantage over the other places we'd just been, it had a road and I could see a few parked cars. I stole another Jeep and hit the road, trying to find something that looked a bit more like reality than anything I had seen for the last few hours. 

I drove for miles, then saw a train station with a light on in the booking office. I pulled in to park in front of it and just as I was stepping out the Jeep, feeling like things might be back to normal the cat lady started to talk.

Great Aunt Yoko: Okay pumpkin, it is getting late..

Great Aunt Yoko: There is one more place I would like to show you tho

With that she thrust a small slip of paper into my hand, I saw that it looked like a train ticket. Before I could say a word I seemed to pass out, again. I woke up at a train station, sadly it wasn;t the same one.

Great Aunt Yoko: Ah Kyoto, I went to school here as a kid you know?

(At this point even the Nav HUD was getting confused about where we were and where we were supposed to go: [11:43] 20240224-03 Nav HUD: Setting waypoint to the best-guess appropriate one. lol)

Great Aunt Yoko: How nostalgic

Great Aunt Yoko: When I was little I used to hide behind the large board and scare the praying visitors

As we walked through the streets of downtown Kyoto I looked around, wondering where all the people were. I was still shaken up by the sight of the Penguin and I had a sneaky suspicion that I wasn't actually back in reality yet.

Great Aunt Yoko: Wow, they expanded their business by a lot

Great Aunt Yoko: Well, I guess that's the only way to come by these days

We stole some bikes and rode around the deserted streets of Kyoto while I kept my eye out for more penguins and eventually reached the outskirts of town where the bus stop was.

Great Aunt Yoko: Hah, that was quite a trip!

Great Aunt Yoko: Let us take the bus, I am exhausted..

Having given up on asking questions of this mad old woman by now I just climb aboard, sit down and close my eyes. Before I know it I'm being shaken awake at a new stop.

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh Tanpopo, my dear childhood friend used to live here

While the bus idles the old lady drags me to a roadside shrine.

Great Aunt Yoko: She passed away a while ago, let us go up so I can say a quick prayer for her

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh Kiki, you left us behind too soon

Great Aunt Yoko: We should have waited for the driving instructor after all

Starbright Wingtips looks at the old lady with an expression which says "why am I not surprised?"

Great Aunt Yoko: By the way, you still owe me 50 bucks

Great Aunt Yoko: Tsk, You always tried to get around paying back your debts you lil dead raskal

Eventually the old lady turns from the shrine and ushers me back onto the bus. 

Great Aunt Yoko: Alright, thanks for taking this detour with me pumpkin, let's return

Great Aunt Yoko: It's been very kind of you to spend this lovely day with your old great aunt!

The bust sets off again and the motion of the bus combined with a very busy day soon have me fast asleep and being shaken awake what seems like only seconds later. We climb off the bus at what seems like an ordinary shop car park, are we finally back to reality?

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh my, I almost fell asleep on the bus

Great Aunt Yoko: I guess it really is time you bring me back to the airport

I look around the car park and am unsurprised to see a green Jeep sitting there, so I go steal it, again. Following directions from the old lady I get back on the road and as I'm motoring along, I get my first definite clue that this is reality when we pass what is probably the only sewage works in Jeogeot.

Without further incident we reach the airport car park where I first met this madwoman. 

Great Aunt Yoko: Ah, what a long day

Suddenly a child comes running towards you, screaming something!

Child: Aunty Yoko! We have been searching for you for hours!!!

You witness a vivid discussion for a while as you wonder just wtf is going on. 

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh my, it seems there has been a mistake on my end

Great Aunt Yoko: I accidentally mistook you for my lil pumpkin here haha!

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh well, you can be my lil pumpkin too from now on if you'd like!

Starbright Wingtips: errr

Great Aunt Yoko: Haha just kidding, you're more of an asparagus anyways!

Great Aunt Yoko: But thank you very much for the nice day, I hope you enjoyed our trip as well!

And with that, Yoko disappears in a car, driving into the setting sun on the horizon. As she pulls out of the car park I get on the phone to Fam "dude, about that coke, I think it's bad, man what a trip I just had. You'll never believe it!"