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Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts


Kidnapped by a Cat Lady!

Kidnapped by the Cat Lady!

Hello, I thought you all might be interested in my recent adventure where I was kidnapped by a mad woman who slipped something in my coffee and attempted to traffick me, I think. It's all still a bit confusing. 

Well the day started normally enough, I got a call from Fam who wanted me to deliver their drugs, again. So I stopped by to pick up the coke to take to the staff at Jeogeot Gulf Airport. Those pilots have a serious habit!

The journey to the airport was fairly uneventful and although I passed a lot of interesting places I didn't have time to stop and explore any of them, which was a shame. The Roamer felt like it was running with one flat tire though, it wasn't a smooth ride at all. So I decided that once I got to the airport, I would steal something better. I arrived without incident and gave the package to Karen at the desk, of course she was her normal charming self. 

It was as I was hot-wiring a Jeep in the car park that my day went really batshit crazy. This weird old lady climbed into the passenger seat. She had a large handgun poking out of her handbag, so I didn't want to be rude. She asked for a ride to the Route 9 bus stop and she seemed to be mostly harmless, apart from a strange cat pee smell. I figured I was in an open top vehicle so i could probably cope and so we set off.

Her directions were appalling, I was beginning to doubt that she knew where she wanted to go at all, we wove across Jeogeot, even going offroad at one point, lucky I stole a Jeep really.

Eventually we made it to the bus stop, having collected a dozen speeding tickets and accidentally clipping the odd pedestrian who was standing too close to the road. I got out of the Jeep to escort the mad old lady (who was rabbiting on as if she knew me) to the bus to make sure she got on it, so I could escape when all of a sudden I felt dizzy and I might even have passed out for a moment.

Next thing I know I'm being shaken awake by someone who keeps insisting that they are my Great Aunt Yoko.

Great Aunt Yoko: Ah finally, can you smell this fresh air?

Starbright Wingtips: All I can smell is cat pee and, I think, chloroform. 

Great Aunt Yoko: Well I certainly can, the person in the seat in front of me permanently farted!

Great Aunt Yoko: Anyways, let's go!

So with that she takes me by the arm, drags me to my feet with more strength that I'd have expected from a little old woman, puts her arm through mine and starts to walk me towards what looks like a Japanese temple.

Starbright Wingtips: What's going on, where am I?

Great Aunt Yoko: We're at Little Yoshiwara in the Bakumatsu Period Japan Cultural Area. Milarepa. It's one of my favourite spots. 

Great Aunt Yoko: There are so many shrines here!

Great Aunt Yoko: But don't worry, I won't walk you to all of them!

Great Aunt Yoko: Just to most :D

Great Aunt Yoko: How nostalgic, this brings back memories

Starbright Wingtips: Yeah, I think some of my memory is starting to come back too.

Great Aunt Yoko: Rattle the bell and make a silent prayer

Starbright Wingtips prays for rescue.

Great Aunt Yoko: Let's take a short break, I am getting a little hungry

Great Aunt Yoko: Why don't we grab a bite while we enjoy the surroundings a while

Starbright Wingtips: You used "while" twice in the same sentence, are you drunk?

Starbright Wingtips dodges a blow from the old woman while she sits at the street vendors cart

*A few minutes later ....*

[10:38] Great Aunt Yoko: Okay I think I'm good again, let us move on!

We moved off again along a path which leads under the trees which surround this little town, as we move along it I can see yet another shrine ahead of me.

Great Aunt Yoko: Wow, this big fella looks like uncle bob!

Buddha whispers:  San nin yoreba, Monju no chie.

Where three persons come together, there is the wisdom of Monju.

Starbright Wingtips backs away warily while keeping an eye on the statue and the old woman 

Starbright Wingtips: Very deep I'm sure, but could we please get out of here?

* The two travellers turn away from the shrine and begin to walk up a path taking them upwards *

Great Aunt Yoko: So many shrines, so little time

Great Aunt Yoko: Let us head to the last spot in this pretty location and move on

From the viewpoint we moved into a wild hill meadow by some cliffs, there was a mist in the air and bones on the ground.

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh my, this place used to look much friendlier back in my young days!

Great Aunt Yoko: But then again, I guess so did I too!

Great Aunt Yoko: I have seen and witnessed a lot in my life but this...

Great Aunt Yoko: This place gives me some chills.. Let's hurry on

I suddenly feel dizzy as the world fades away around me and next thing I know I'm being shaken awake by cat lady again;

Great Aunt Yoko: Oww... What happened? Where are we?

Great Aunt Yoko: This place looks surreal!

As if in a daze we stumble along the path between Shrines and Temples as we look around and take the strange unreal scenery.

Great Aunt Yoko: Wow..

Is the only comment either of us can make as I wonder if I had mushroom omelette with the wrong mushrooms last night. Eventually we reach the other end of the walkway where there is a small shrine in front of a large and slightly ominous black tower. I step up to the shrine and silently wish for save travels back home. I suddenly feel faint, again, and everything goes black.

I open my eyes and find myself in an entirely new location, again! At least I seem to be back from the surreal world Unfortunately so is the cat lady aka my "great aunt", who is throwing up soundly on the side of the road

Great Aunt Yoko: Urg.. I'm getting too old for this...

Great Aunt Yoko: But at least I think I know where we are, this is the Hamamura Islands, specifically the Serenity Forest.

 You notice a large black tower behind you, close to the one you approached earlier.. spooky

Great Aunt Yoko: Yea I certainly remember this place!

Great Aunt Yoko: Come on, let me show you around a little!

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh my, I better not say what this right kitty is shaped like..

Great Aunt Yoko: That's some strange ramen on the left

We continued walking amongst the temples and market stalls with cat lady chattering away when suddenly I saw it.

A bloody Penguin! Everywhere I go I see these damn things, it's almost like they're spying on me. I treated this whole experience a bit more seriously as soon as I knew penguins were involved! Luckily at that moment an opportunity came up for me to fill the cat lady in on the threat we were facing.

Great Aunt Yoko: This spot looks relaxing, let's take a moment to take the surroundings in

As I explained the penguin situation I could see her eyes get wide as she slowly inched her chair back away from mine. Sadly before I managed to finish my warnings, she drained her Saki, stood up and announced it was time to climb to the top of a mountain for no apparent reason.

Great Aunt Yoko: Alright, time to move on!

Starbright Wingtips; but but .... the penguins!

Great Aunt Yoko: No time for that, come on and hurry. <struggles up a long flight of steps> Let's pray they install a lift before until our next visit..

Great Aunt Yoko: What a magnificent view from here!

Great Aunt Yoko: Your great uncle and me had a large garden like this as well!

Great Aunt Yoko: Well we had just vegetables in it I have to admit

Great Aunt Yoko: And it was only half the size..

Great Aunt Yoko: Also my cat kept getting lost in it, so we had to burn it down in the end

Starbright Wingtips gives the cat lady some side-eye while saying "ok..." and moving away from the edge. She ignores me and walks around a bend in the part, I follow her to find her standing at a tunnel entrance.

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh we gotta go explore this more, even if we get cursed!

We hurried through the caves descending from the entrance only stopping at a gap in the rocks that we though led back out

Great Aunt Yoko: What a bummer, it's just a lookout!

Eventually we came out at the foot of the mountain and although the cave exit was a bit grim, the path led back into the forest and the view soon brightened up.

[11:13] Great Aunt Yoko: And are those graves? Looks like a graveyard..

[11:14] Great Aunt Yoko: Tsk, let's get back, I'm so old I'll get that view soon enough!

So we walked on through the forest and eventually came to the shore where we found a boat tied up at a pier. The boat crew apparently didn't speak any English, so we used the time-tested method of just shouting at them slowly in English until they seemed to understand that we wanted to be taken home. They set off and I settled back into the cushions and drifted off to sleep. I only woke up when the cat lady shook me and told me I had arrived. I climbed off the boat to find myself in another Japanese looking landscape.

Great Aunt Yoko: What nice people, I almost feel bad that I threw up over the side of the boat so much.

This town did have one advantage over the other places we'd just been, it had a road and I could see a few parked cars. I stole another Jeep and hit the road, trying to find something that looked a bit more like reality than anything I had seen for the last few hours. 

I drove for miles, then saw a train station with a light on in the booking office. I pulled in to park in front of it and just as I was stepping out the Jeep, feeling like things might be back to normal the cat lady started to talk.

Great Aunt Yoko: Okay pumpkin, it is getting late..

Great Aunt Yoko: There is one more place I would like to show you tho

With that she thrust a small slip of paper into my hand, I saw that it looked like a train ticket. Before I could say a word I seemed to pass out, again. I woke up at a train station, sadly it wasn;t the same one.

Great Aunt Yoko: Ah Kyoto, I went to school here as a kid you know?

(At this point even the Nav HUD was getting confused about where we were and where we were supposed to go: [11:43] 20240224-03 Nav HUD: Setting waypoint to the best-guess appropriate one. lol)

Great Aunt Yoko: How nostalgic

Great Aunt Yoko: When I was little I used to hide behind the large board and scare the praying visitors

As we walked through the streets of downtown Kyoto I looked around, wondering where all the people were. I was still shaken up by the sight of the Penguin and I had a sneaky suspicion that I wasn't actually back in reality yet.

Great Aunt Yoko: Wow, they expanded their business by a lot

Great Aunt Yoko: Well, I guess that's the only way to come by these days

We stole some bikes and rode around the deserted streets of Kyoto while I kept my eye out for more penguins and eventually reached the outskirts of town where the bus stop was.

Great Aunt Yoko: Hah, that was quite a trip!

Great Aunt Yoko: Let us take the bus, I am exhausted..

Having given up on asking questions of this mad old woman by now I just climb aboard, sit down and close my eyes. Before I know it I'm being shaken awake at a new stop.

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh Tanpopo, my dear childhood friend used to live here

While the bus idles the old lady drags me to a roadside shrine.

Great Aunt Yoko: She passed away a while ago, let us go up so I can say a quick prayer for her

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh Kiki, you left us behind too soon

Great Aunt Yoko: We should have waited for the driving instructor after all

Starbright Wingtips looks at the old lady with an expression which says "why am I not surprised?"

Great Aunt Yoko: By the way, you still owe me 50 bucks

Great Aunt Yoko: Tsk, You always tried to get around paying back your debts you lil dead raskal

Eventually the old lady turns from the shrine and ushers me back onto the bus. 

Great Aunt Yoko: Alright, thanks for taking this detour with me pumpkin, let's return

Great Aunt Yoko: It's been very kind of you to spend this lovely day with your old great aunt!

The bust sets off again and the motion of the bus combined with a very busy day soon have me fast asleep and being shaken awake what seems like only seconds later. We climb off the bus at what seems like an ordinary shop car park, are we finally back to reality?

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh my, I almost fell asleep on the bus

Great Aunt Yoko: I guess it really is time you bring me back to the airport

I look around the car park and am unsurprised to see a green Jeep sitting there, so I go steal it, again. Following directions from the old lady I get back on the road and as I'm motoring along, I get my first definite clue that this is reality when we pass what is probably the only sewage works in Jeogeot.

Without further incident we reach the airport car park where I first met this madwoman. 

Great Aunt Yoko: Ah, what a long day

Suddenly a child comes running towards you, screaming something!

Child: Aunty Yoko! We have been searching for you for hours!!!

You witness a vivid discussion for a while as you wonder just wtf is going on. 

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh my, it seems there has been a mistake on my end

Great Aunt Yoko: I accidentally mistook you for my lil pumpkin here haha!

Great Aunt Yoko: Oh well, you can be my lil pumpkin too from now on if you'd like!

Starbright Wingtips: errr

Great Aunt Yoko: Haha just kidding, you're more of an asparagus anyways!

Great Aunt Yoko: But thank you very much for the nice day, I hope you enjoyed our trip as well!

And with that, Yoko disappears in a car, driving into the setting sun on the horizon. As she pulls out of the car park I get on the phone to Fam "dude, about that coke, I think it's bad, man what a trip I just had. You'll never believe it!"


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